My poor little blog-child has been so neglected. Between work, illness, getting out and actually hanging out with people-like-beings and more work, I haven't had the desire to really sit down and write. Shame on me! I have tons of thoughts. I simply lack motivation. I'm working on it.
Things are going well in my world. This week I started taking advocacy classes with my local women's crisis center. I'm very excited about the classes. Ultimately, they are being taken to help me in my work, but I hope to be able to slip into some volunteer work eventually.
Fall has come to the Great Northwest! This means much rain. Thus far I like it. Give it a couple of months and I'll be ready for something dry. Or snow. I'd love some snow.
My baby girl has started college. She's only taking one class right now, as we work through financial aid, but she's officially a college student. We are so proud!
I am plotting and planning for potential entertainment for my beloved stalkers. If all goes as planned, I hope to be entertaining you by the end of the year. Cross your fingers and hope my resolve is strong and that I follow through because I think you'll find it enjoyable.
Blessings and Love to my dear friends.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Just Because I'm Happy
It's been a little while since I've posted anything. Not because I have nothing to say but because I'm finding it difficult to make the time to say it.
I run through all of my should-be posts at night when I'm in bed. Maybe I should just record my ramblings and transcribe it later?
In any case, I wanted to take just a little moment to post because I'm happy. I'm not happy for any specific or particular reason. I'm just happy.
I have a roof over my head, struggling as that may be at times, and an abundance of food in my belly.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me completely and dearly.
I have children that appear to be healthy and relatively happy. (They're teenagers, sometimes it's hard to tell!)
I have a doggie that loves me unconditionally, and is happy to see me every single day.
I have awesome friends, whom I sometimes neglect but they love me all the same.
I recognize that while I'm less fortunate than some, I'm more fortunate than others. Sometimes it's hard to see how blessed I really am when I'm hyper-focused on the ills of my life. This day, I see my blessings and I am ever so thankful. I sincerely I have more days like this.
I run through all of my should-be posts at night when I'm in bed. Maybe I should just record my ramblings and transcribe it later?
In any case, I wanted to take just a little moment to post because I'm happy. I'm not happy for any specific or particular reason. I'm just happy.
I have a roof over my head, struggling as that may be at times, and an abundance of food in my belly.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me completely and dearly.
I have children that appear to be healthy and relatively happy. (They're teenagers, sometimes it's hard to tell!)
I have a doggie that loves me unconditionally, and is happy to see me every single day.
I have awesome friends, whom I sometimes neglect but they love me all the same.
I recognize that while I'm less fortunate than some, I'm more fortunate than others. Sometimes it's hard to see how blessed I really am when I'm hyper-focused on the ills of my life. This day, I see my blessings and I am ever so thankful. I sincerely I have more days like this.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
One Really Shouldn't Think So Much In This Heat
I know it's not as warm here in the Great Northwest as it is in other parts of the country, and for that I'm thankful. But it's still warmer than I like it. I prefer cold over hot. Cold means you can add layers. Grab a snuggie. Slay a tauntaun.
But the heat... one can only get so naked before neighborhood children are traumatized and the police need to intervene.
So in extreme heat, one really shouldn't exert oneself. It's dangerous. (Did I tell you about the time I learned first-hand that heat exhaustion isn't simply a myth perpetuated by the water industry?)
Thinking. Thinking can be kind of taxing. And today I have been thinking, all because a friend of mine made a post on Facebook that really spoke to me. So I did what any red-blooded American girl would do, and I pilfered it. I tweaked it slightly and posted it to my own status thread.
It spoke to me, not because of one person or scenario in particular, but because I'm witnessing several people that I care about dealing with things that this relates to.
It's not typically in my character to keep my face shut and just let nature take it's course. (Something that has gotten me into my own binds on more than one occasion) But I'm trying to be a better person and evolve. I'm learning that sometimes evolving means biting my tongue and letting others live their lives and learn from their mistakes.
I find this to be a difficult task, particularly with the young ones.
I'm seeing very young couples where one party seems to take a little more, and in some cases much more, than they appear to give in return. I'm seeing one party as more controlling than the other. I'm seeing that controlling party as being quite selfish yet claiming to behave in such a manner all for the love of the other party.
I want so much to take these people that I love, these people that are in relationships that bring them more pain and discontent than any relationship should, and start slapping some sense into them. Seriously, I want to create an Airplane line and just let loose on some of them. Not because I'm cruel, but because I care for them and I can see disaster ahead.
So tonight I speak to the young ones that I love. (Heck, there's a couple older ones that should listen up as well) I'm not an expert. I've made my own mistakes. But these are some areas to help you think things through.
Be Realistic
Not every incident is cause to banish someone from your life. Relationships are hard and they take work. It's not all rainbows and roses. There will be hard times. Everyone has them. Sometimes they last longer than we like, but often times they are resolvable.
Evaluate
Look at the situation. Evaluate it. Are you experiencing more pleasure or more pain in this relationship? How much time has passed? Is it a tough blip in your relationship timeline or is your entire timeline filled with enough blips that it looks as though it's contracted chicken pox? There's a difference between realistically working on a relationship and flogging the ever-loving hell out of a dead and buried horse.
Stop and Think
Really evaluate the situation that you are in. Would you be content knowing that your child, your sibling or your very best friend were living your life and dealing with the exact same circumstance? If your answer is a firm and resounding "OH HELL NO!" then you may want to reconsider where you are.
Don't Devalue Yourself
Realize your self-worth. Know that you are more than a name, more than a job, more than what you do or where you've been. Even if you've traveled a treacherous path and done things you aren't proud of, you can build worth. It only takes you realizing that you are worth working on and taking those steps to do it. If you don't like your intolerant behavior, work to change it. If you don't like the social circles you've created, leave them and start new. If you have struggled with addiction, there is help out there to keep you where you want to be. But you have to want it and you have to be willing to act on it.
The Sins of Others
The sins of others in your life are not your sins. They mean nothing as far as you, as a person, are concerned. You are not your {{insert dysfunctional family member here}}. You are a separate person. You are your own being. You are accountable for yourself. You are not those around you. An unfortunate family life or unruly relatives do not define you. You are not the addict that your relative is. You need to be aware of addiction, and you need to face the reality of what can happen to you if you decide to go down that road even once, but their addiction does not define you. You can still love them, just don't let them define who you are, who you can become or where you can go.
Equality - Fair is Fair
All of these things that you should be aware of, the happiness that you deserve... you need to realize that your partner deserves these same things. They deserve to be happy. They deserve a relationship that is more good times than bad. If there are problems, don't be afraid to look at yourself as well. Please do so in an honest manner. There's a fine line between being honest with yourself and being a victim in an abusive relationship. Remember, they key is equality.
Know When to Call It
Nobody goes into a relationship thinking, "Yep. Let's see how badly I can screw this one up. Let's see if I can keep it under 6 weeks this time." But know when to call it quits. Not having someone attached to you is truly not the end of the world. Really. There are millions of single people on the planet, many not by choice, and the world carries on. Please do not tell yourself that something is better than nothing. That's a lie. If your something gives you pain, creates misery and devalues your self-worth, then absolutely nothing is a step up.
Running Doesn't Solve It
While there are legitimate times and purposes for leaving a relationship or circumstance, please don't make the mistake of thinking that running away will solve the issues. Don't leave the state because you think "all women be bitchez" and that "leaving this crap-ass town" will make any difference. Here's the real news folks - all women be bitchez anywhere you go. If you continue to engage in relationships with the same type of person, you're going to end up with the same result. If you end a relationship with a selfish, controlling man only to jump into the arms of another selfish, controlling man you're just living a crappy sequel. Only your acknowledgement that something needs to change, your willingness to change it and your follow through on making the changes will reap the rewards you are looking for.
Whew! I feel so much better! I've wanted to get all of that out to various people over quite a while now.
It's not the end-all, be-all of relationship advice. It's only meant to help to get another thinking. Ultimately their decisions are their own. I will love them and support them and keep my mouth shut about how much their significant other is a complete and utter loser.
Who knows, maybe one of those people that I love will read this and maybe it will help in some minor way.
Who knows really? I mean, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?
But the heat... one can only get so naked before neighborhood children are traumatized and the police need to intervene.
So in extreme heat, one really shouldn't exert oneself. It's dangerous. (Did I tell you about the time I learned first-hand that heat exhaustion isn't simply a myth perpetuated by the water industry?)
Thinking. Thinking can be kind of taxing. And today I have been thinking, all because a friend of mine made a post on Facebook that really spoke to me. So I did what any red-blooded American girl would do, and I pilfered it. I tweaked it slightly and posted it to my own status thread.
Ponder this...it becomes increasingly difficult to believe someone is looking out for the well being of others when they keep making choices that negatively effect others well being.
It spoke to me, not because of one person or scenario in particular, but because I'm witnessing several people that I care about dealing with things that this relates to.
It's not typically in my character to keep my face shut and just let nature take it's course. (Something that has gotten me into my own binds on more than one occasion) But I'm trying to be a better person and evolve. I'm learning that sometimes evolving means biting my tongue and letting others live their lives and learn from their mistakes.
I find this to be a difficult task, particularly with the young ones.
I'm seeing very young couples where one party seems to take a little more, and in some cases much more, than they appear to give in return. I'm seeing one party as more controlling than the other. I'm seeing that controlling party as being quite selfish yet claiming to behave in such a manner all for the love of the other party.
I want so much to take these people that I love, these people that are in relationships that bring them more pain and discontent than any relationship should, and start slapping some sense into them. Seriously, I want to create an Airplane line and just let loose on some of them. Not because I'm cruel, but because I care for them and I can see disaster ahead.
So tonight I speak to the young ones that I love. (Heck, there's a couple older ones that should listen up as well) I'm not an expert. I've made my own mistakes. But these are some areas to help you think things through.
Be Realistic
Not every incident is cause to banish someone from your life. Relationships are hard and they take work. It's not all rainbows and roses. There will be hard times. Everyone has them. Sometimes they last longer than we like, but often times they are resolvable.
Evaluate
Look at the situation. Evaluate it. Are you experiencing more pleasure or more pain in this relationship? How much time has passed? Is it a tough blip in your relationship timeline or is your entire timeline filled with enough blips that it looks as though it's contracted chicken pox? There's a difference between realistically working on a relationship and flogging the ever-loving hell out of a dead and buried horse.
Stop and Think
Really evaluate the situation that you are in. Would you be content knowing that your child, your sibling or your very best friend were living your life and dealing with the exact same circumstance? If your answer is a firm and resounding "OH HELL NO!" then you may want to reconsider where you are.
Don't Devalue Yourself
Realize your self-worth. Know that you are more than a name, more than a job, more than what you do or where you've been. Even if you've traveled a treacherous path and done things you aren't proud of, you can build worth. It only takes you realizing that you are worth working on and taking those steps to do it. If you don't like your intolerant behavior, work to change it. If you don't like the social circles you've created, leave them and start new. If you have struggled with addiction, there is help out there to keep you where you want to be. But you have to want it and you have to be willing to act on it.
The Sins of Others
The sins of others in your life are not your sins. They mean nothing as far as you, as a person, are concerned. You are not your {{insert dysfunctional family member here}}. You are a separate person. You are your own being. You are accountable for yourself. You are not those around you. An unfortunate family life or unruly relatives do not define you. You are not the addict that your relative is. You need to be aware of addiction, and you need to face the reality of what can happen to you if you decide to go down that road even once, but their addiction does not define you. You can still love them, just don't let them define who you are, who you can become or where you can go.
Equality - Fair is Fair
All of these things that you should be aware of, the happiness that you deserve... you need to realize that your partner deserves these same things. They deserve to be happy. They deserve a relationship that is more good times than bad. If there are problems, don't be afraid to look at yourself as well. Please do so in an honest manner. There's a fine line between being honest with yourself and being a victim in an abusive relationship. Remember, they key is equality.
Know When to Call It
Nobody goes into a relationship thinking, "Yep. Let's see how badly I can screw this one up. Let's see if I can keep it under 6 weeks this time." But know when to call it quits. Not having someone attached to you is truly not the end of the world. Really. There are millions of single people on the planet, many not by choice, and the world carries on. Please do not tell yourself that something is better than nothing. That's a lie. If your something gives you pain, creates misery and devalues your self-worth, then absolutely nothing is a step up.
Running Doesn't Solve It
While there are legitimate times and purposes for leaving a relationship or circumstance, please don't make the mistake of thinking that running away will solve the issues. Don't leave the state because you think "all women be bitchez" and that "leaving this crap-ass town" will make any difference. Here's the real news folks - all women be bitchez anywhere you go. If you continue to engage in relationships with the same type of person, you're going to end up with the same result. If you end a relationship with a selfish, controlling man only to jump into the arms of another selfish, controlling man you're just living a crappy sequel. Only your acknowledgement that something needs to change, your willingness to change it and your follow through on making the changes will reap the rewards you are looking for.
Whew! I feel so much better! I've wanted to get all of that out to various people over quite a while now.
It's not the end-all, be-all of relationship advice. It's only meant to help to get another thinking. Ultimately their decisions are their own. I will love them and support them and keep my mouth shut about how much their significant other is a complete and utter loser.
Who knows, maybe one of those people that I love will read this and maybe it will help in some minor way.
Who knows really? I mean, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?
Monday, August 1, 2011
Today I learned Zen Can Be Damaged by Pain
After a weekend of cleaning a teenage boy bedroom, a task that produces about 300 pound of trash that was taken to the dump, my back went out. I haven't had that happen before, and I must confess that I'm really not a fan. I do not recommend it.
Consequently, my Monday was not as zen-like as I had hoped. I felt totally useless. In retrospect, I probably should have called in and went to the doctor. Though I don't know what the doctor would do to help.
My thoughts were jumbled. I rambled incessantly when spoken to. It took three times longer to provide a written response to anything than I should have.
I moved around as much as possible, trying to loosen things up and maybe make it better. I hobbled along like a wounded handicapped troll. It was not pretty.
It felt like a hot knife in my lower back. A hot lava-injecting knife that causes a line of molten pain to shoot down my leg. My entire day was spent near tears, and it really put a damper on my ability to be a viable employee.
Every time I opened my mouth, I turned into Denis Leary with breasts.
I'm pretty sure I had an angry opinion about everything. I feel badly for my co-workers.
I'm going to dope myself up really well before bed tonight so that I can be sure that I get a reasonable amount of sleep with the hope that I will be able to cope with any remaining pain in a more healthy and less Christian Bale manner.
Here's to learning from Monday and making Tuesday mine!
Consequently, my Monday was not as zen-like as I had hoped. I felt totally useless. In retrospect, I probably should have called in and went to the doctor. Though I don't know what the doctor would do to help.
My thoughts were jumbled. I rambled incessantly when spoken to. It took three times longer to provide a written response to anything than I should have.
I moved around as much as possible, trying to loosen things up and maybe make it better. I hobbled along like a wounded handicapped troll. It was not pretty.
It felt like a hot knife in my lower back. A hot lava-injecting knife that causes a line of molten pain to shoot down my leg. My entire day was spent near tears, and it really put a damper on my ability to be a viable employee.
Every time I opened my mouth, I turned into Denis Leary with breasts.
I'm pretty sure I had an angry opinion about everything. I feel badly for my co-workers.
I'm going to dope myself up really well before bed tonight so that I can be sure that I get a reasonable amount of sleep with the hope that I will be able to cope with any remaining pain in a more healthy and less Christian Bale manner.
Here's to learning from Monday and making Tuesday mine!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
A Clean Slate
It took me some time to work up the courage, but I did it. I deleted my prior blogging history. I realized that when I looked back on it, it didn't make me happy. It didn't give me a sense of peace. It had even hit a point where it didn't entertain me.
So I start new. I start clean. I start fresh, with the hope that all of the toxicity that I leave behind, stays in the past.
Those that know me, know I've experienced pain and turmoil over the past few years. It's been a difficult road for me, but I like to think that I've learned from it and that I'm ready to move on and be a new me.
I'm seeking a little more zen and a little less war in my world.
I'm sure I won't be perfect. I'm sure there will be times with swearing and venting. I'm sure there will be times of crying. I'm sure it will not appear very zen-like at all.
I'm slightly fearful that I may fall into old habits and that this will once again become a place of pain. But I move forward, shoving that fear aside and looking for the happy.
So ready or not, the new me starts today!
So I start new. I start clean. I start fresh, with the hope that all of the toxicity that I leave behind, stays in the past.
Those that know me, know I've experienced pain and turmoil over the past few years. It's been a difficult road for me, but I like to think that I've learned from it and that I'm ready to move on and be a new me.
I'm seeking a little more zen and a little less war in my world.
I'm sure I won't be perfect. I'm sure there will be times with swearing and venting. I'm sure there will be times of crying. I'm sure it will not appear very zen-like at all.
I'm slightly fearful that I may fall into old habits and that this will once again become a place of pain. But I move forward, shoving that fear aside and looking for the happy.
So ready or not, the new me starts today!
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