This year, I participated in the 30 Days of Thanks, which took place from November 1st through November 30th. This is my list:
11.01.2011 - I am thankful for the opportunity to take my advocate training. The ability to help others makes me feel all warm and fuzzy
11.02.2011 - I am thankful for my husband's willingness to get up in the morning and start my car for me, to make sure I'm not encased in ice and am somewhat warm when I take off for work. ♥
11.03.2011 - Today I am thankful for cosmetics. I can attempt to look like a human being when I feel like a zombie! =)
11.03.2011 - I’m going to do an extra - what are you gonna do about it?!? I am thankful for my kids - they are dorks and goobers and oh-so-entertaining and they sometimes make me smile and crack me up. I love them so much!
11.04.2011 - On this cold morning, I am thankful for the heat in my home. Old and drafty as it may be, I know there are those out there that don't have such a luxury.
11.05.2011 - I am thankful for my puppy. He loves me unconditionally and I'm his favorite human. It makes me feel special ♥
11.06.2011 - Today I am thankful for our boys. They came into my life and increased the love and devotion in my world. They've been quite the learning adventure and I love them so very much! ♥
11.07.2011 - Today I am thankful for my friends. But there are two in particular, Jonnie Styles and Melinda Mitchell, that I want to call out for their awesomeness. These two are my perpetually positive people. They are amazingly perky and their mere presence lifts my spirits and brings me smiles. If I feel emotionally or mentally spent, these two are there to say a word of encouragement or tell me a joke or do some little thing to make my world a better place. Around them, I am a better person. I strive to be more like them every day. (I fail miserably, but I keep trying! hehe) Thank you ladies. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! ♥
11.08.2011 - Today I am thankful for technology. Without which, I might not have the wonderful folks in my life that I have been blessed with and without which I wouldn't be in communication with my far-away family.
11.09.2011 - Today I am thankful for my "safe places" - those two particular places that I can go to be who I am and say what I need to in order to prevent any violent implosions. I never have to be afraid in those places. The other residents allow me to be me and I know that I'm safe. Thank you to the creators of those safe places. I love you!
11.10.2011 - I am thankful for my weekends and holidays. I don't have to work (usually) and I get that time to decompress and center myself (or try to anyway). And this is my time to be with my loved ones. Weekends and holidays rock!
11.11.2011 - Today (and everyday really) I am thankful to our men and women who serve in our armed forces. I can't even begin to adequately express my appreciation and gratitude for all that you do and that you're willing to do for your country.
11.12.2011 - Today I am thankful for the fabulous mother-in-law that I have been blessed with. She is so sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful and wise. I love it when she comes to visit or when we get a call to chat. (If only she hadn't defected to England! I miss her muchly!)
11.13.2011 - Today I am extra thankful for my wise husband. If he catches me as the rage starts, he has a chance to curb that rage and prevent me from waging war. This morning was one of those days. He talked me into taking the quiet course of action. While the warrior in me still has that blood lust, he is absolutely right. It's just one of the very many reasons that I love him so much! ♥
11.14.2011 - Today I am thankful for all that time that I spent in therapy. While I'm not perfect, it has helped tremendously when dealing with certain situations. It is the primary reason I'm not curled in a ball, crying my eyes out today LOL
11.15.2011 - I am thankful for all of the friends and loved ones that have entered my life and played a part in my world. Sometimes circumstances take them away. Sometimes I am so blessed to have them return. I have had some pretty awesome people in my life, and I'm truly blessed for that.
11.16.2011 - I am thankful for the country in which I live. The people are afforded the right to protest, complain, and try to bring about change. We are all allowed our opinions, even if others don't like it. We are free to make choices and take actions, with some obvious exceptions such as committing violence or stealing, etc. While this country has it's problems, and we all know it does, the people in it are given such freedoms and opportunities that so very many other lack.
11.17.2011 - I am thankful that my children have chosen partners that I like. Their partners treat them with respect and kindness and they treat their partners the same. Thank you to Kylie Stallard for being so good to Mark, thank you Sabrina Nicole Manring for being so good to Aaron and thank you Devon Fitzsimmons for being so good to Shandi. It's one less thing in the world that I need to worry about. I know that they are safe, respected and loved.
11.18.2011 - Today I am thankful for laundry. Not because I like putting it away. I hate that part! But because it means that I actually have clothes to wear. And to add to the blessing, they are weather and season appropriate. I'm thankful for that.
11.19.2011 - I am thankful for my nieces! I love being an Auntie. The girls are so sweet, and I love them dearly. Melina, Brooke, Shantelle and Olivia - I love you so much!
11.20.2011 - Today I am extra thankful for my understanding and accepting friends. As many know, I suffer from a few anxiety-related disorders as a result of a few specific traumatic events in my life: PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder and the obsessive portion of obsessive compulsive disorder. I know the dealing with me when I'm in an attack can be tiring or frustrating. I fret, I catastrophise, I cry, I panic. I behave in a manner that sometimes makes no sense to someone who has never suffered from any of these disorders. For the most part, the people in my life accept that I have these issues and they have learned to work with them. I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me. You do everything you can to help me. You try to drive home that I am not a burden. You don't let me shut myself off from the world, because I'm feeling like a burden. You let me ramble. You let me share. You let me keep you up past your bed time because I'm having an episode (Thank you Sabrina - I love you!) Without your understanding and support, I would not be as functional as I am. You play such an important part in my life when these events occur, and I can not adequately express precisely how valuable you are to me and how much I sincerely appreciate having you in my life. I love you, my dear friends. ♥
11.21.2011 - Today I am thankful for laughter and smiles. And I just happen to be blessed enough to have several people in my world that bring me plenty of both. Whether I like it or not! Sometimes to the point that my face hurts from smiling and laughing so much. =)
11.22.2011 - Today I am thankful for those unexpected moments of win. When the world feels like it's crashing down on you and nothing matters - then suddenly you are able to help another human being. There is no expectation of anything in return, and they tell you how much they appreciate what you've done for them. Even though it doesn't feel like anything spectacular to you at the moment, once you hear that someone is genuinely appreciative for what you've done, it makes every horrible thing that you've dealt with over the past week seem so pathetic and unimportant.
11.23.2011 - Today I am thankful for long weekends. The final work day seems impossibly long, but the long weekend is closing in. I can't wait!
11.24.2011 - I am thankful to the men and women who serve and protect - our military personnel, firefighters, corrections officers, police officers, paramedics, hospital personnel and others that I've missed - These people give up their holidays with their families so that we can be safe and cared for. And I am thankful for their families who are missing their loved ones during these holidays, as their sacrifice is also recognized. I can never adequately express my sincerest appreciation to you all.
11.25.2011 - I am thankful to get to watch my children grow into young adults and to still have "firsts" to witness. Things like their first apartment, first paycheck, first time driving on the freeway... though the last gives me an anxiety attack LOL - I love to watch them learn and grow ♥
11.26.2011 - I am thankful for those moments where I absolutely know that I'm loved. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the negatives of my world, that I forget how much positive I have in my life. I am so thankful for those moments where I can recognize the good things that surround me. Those moments of clarity are a blessing and I hope that I can open my mind and see all the blessings before me more often.
11.27.2011 - I am thankful for entertainment. I don't have to be siting around bored to death. I can putz around on the internet, read a book, watch me some Walking Dead... being entertained and lost in other worlds for even a little while is amazing and a much needed escape from the trials and tribulations of real life =)
11.28.2011 - I am thankful that I'm a pretty awesome person. I'm not a bigot, a racist, a homophobe or completely closed-minded. I am an honorable person, an ethical person, an honest person and a person who loves fully and without reservation. I have sacrificed for what is right, even though doing right brought me pain, misery and enough tears to flood a small nation. Sometimes, I'm too hard on myself. Sometimes I'm down on myself. Sometimes I feel so very un-awesome it isn't funny. But today, I know otherwise. While it may be "sinful" (depending on who you ask) today I WILL recognize my own greatness and thank the powers that be that I am spectacular! =)
11.29.2011 - I am thankful for left over birthday cake! 'Nuff said :-)
11.30.2011 - I am thankful for family time. It's slowly changing, with the kids growing up and wandering off to live their own little lives. There are only two left at home, so I treasure those moments when we can spend time together.
I am thankful that I participated in this little event. It's helped me to see that every single day, I have something in my life to be thankful for. Despite the trials and tribulations and any amount of chaos, there is something to be thankful for. I really need to remember this when those difficult times appear. It also helps me to see that if there ever comes a time when I can't find something to be thankful for, I should immediately return to my therapist.
I hope that you're all been able to recognize those reasons in your world to be thankful. When you take a moment to appreciate those reasons, it really warms your soul.
Blessings and Love to you all,
~ D ~
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Happy Birthday, Kendra Michele
It was about 3:25am on Monday, November 11, 1991. I sat straight up in bed, where I had moments before been soundly asleep. I gasped, said “oh no!” and the rush of amniotic fluid burst forth. It was the most disgusting sensation I’d ever experienced in my life!
It was only the morning after my due date and I wasn’t expecting to have my water break. I had only been asleep for a few hours and now I was wide awake with a flood of emotions rushing through me. We had prepared for this. I had a bag packed and ready. I had the doctor’s number. I had my birthing team chosen. Now that it was time, I felt very ill-prepared.
I called my obstetrician and told her what happened. She clarified, making sure that I didn’t simply wet the bed (I can’t imagine how someone mixes THAT up!) and told me to head over to the hospital.
I called Jerry & Tonya’s house to find Susan. I was pretty sure she would take me to the hospital. In a now humorous turn of events, a sleepy Tonya told me that Susan had told then she was at my house for the night. After I begged them not to be mad at her and explained why I was looking for her, they told me that if I couldn’t find her, they would come take me to the hospital. (They’re so sweet!)
I had a pretty good guess as to where Susan was, so I called over there. Pat answered the phone. It’s funny how people start out pissed off when the phone rings at almost 4:00am but how quickly their tune changes when you tell them your water broke and the baby is on the way. He went and got Susan for me who excitedly told me she would be right over. That’s probably the fastest she’s driven in her life, because it wasn’t long at all and she was in the driveway.
I made my other calls to my birthing support staff. Tabitha and Michele came to the hospital right away.
It all started out pretty slow. I had many visitors and my support staff and I talked and joked and had a good time. The contractions were annoying and I was hungry and tired and after several hours and increasing intensity, a nurse came in to give me something “to take the edge off.” I asked what that meant exactly, and she told me that I’d see. It went into my IV and within a couple of minutes, the clock on the wall got all swimmy-looking and I understood what the edge was. I was so grateful!
After about 10 hours, things got pretty intense. I wasn’t dilating and the baby was pressing on my cervix. It was the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced. Come to think of it, I don’t think anything since has come close to that level of pain.
I had an agreement with my doctor that unless I or the baby was in danger, that I would not undergo a C-section. The doctor remained true to my initial request. No matter how much I begged and cried and whimpered, she did not give in and send me back for the much-requested C-section. I had even stubbornly told her before all this happened that I didn’t even want an epidural. What did I know? I was only 16!
I did, however, agree to IV medications and I am ever-so-thankful for those!
I walked around the hospital, trying to entice my body into working with me. I complained with each step about how gross it was that fluid kept coming from my body. (How much fluid is in there for crying out loud?!?)
Friends came and went. During a calm, drugged phase, Sabrina came to check on me and see how I was doing. I told her I was peachy. Obviously, I was stoned.
Later in the day, I vaguely recall Shawn coming in at check on me and I begged him to kill me. He left right away.
It seemed like forever, when in reality it was about 15 hours, before my body cooperated and agreed to allow the baby to escape. After an additional hour or so, my baby arrived! At 8:13pm on November 11, 1991, Kendra Michele graced the world with her presence. With her full head of dark hair and her nearly black eyes, she was a healthy, round, pink, squalling ball of healthy 8lbs 2oz and 20 inches long with apgars of 9 and 9.
Shortly after your arrival, after the doctors were gone and the room was cleaned up, they allowed visitors to return. I was exhausted and groggy when Ken and Matt came to see me. I was oblivious to the fact that they were there when the nurse decided it was time to try to feed the baby. She pulled out my breast and attached your eager little mouth. Ken and Matt were so shocked! All they could think to do was turn around and admire the lovely wallpaper. Poor guys.
During our labor and delivery stay, the following people (as recorded in your baby book) came to see us:
Michele Christin (Birthing Team) - Tabitha Dowty (Birthing Team) - Susan Cox (Birthing Team and alternate Godparent) - Ken Nott (Godfather and later in life to become step-father) - Ann Rogers (Godmother) - Kenny Christin - Dee Nott (to later become Granny Dee) - Becky Blakely - Terry Smith - Heidi Marxer (Auntie) - Steve Marxer (Grandpa) - Cathy Marxer (Grandma) - Rubble Rob
Brian Merril – Wanda – Tim - Kevin Forsythe – Cathy – Speedy - Mike Abbot - Shawn Kingman - Stephanie Wynia - Bill Lenex - Matt Trussell - Cheryl Lenex - Amy Bryer - Kari Brown - Geneva Melton - Maria Cooper - Ali & Samantha - Glen Williams - Sabrina and Jason - Sean Dooer – Renee – Carrie - Renee and Carrie’s mom
It is obvious that you were well-received and welcomed into the world.
You were my perfect little angel. I couldn’t imagine my world without you.
Now here we are, 20 years later. You are a woman grown, out in the world. You are independent and stubborn and your own person.
Please know that despite your years, your independence and your stubbornness, you are still my precious baby girl and I love you.
Happy 20th Birthday, Kendra Michele.
I love you.
It was only the morning after my due date and I wasn’t expecting to have my water break. I had only been asleep for a few hours and now I was wide awake with a flood of emotions rushing through me. We had prepared for this. I had a bag packed and ready. I had the doctor’s number. I had my birthing team chosen. Now that it was time, I felt very ill-prepared.
I called my obstetrician and told her what happened. She clarified, making sure that I didn’t simply wet the bed (I can’t imagine how someone mixes THAT up!) and told me to head over to the hospital.
I called Jerry & Tonya’s house to find Susan. I was pretty sure she would take me to the hospital. In a now humorous turn of events, a sleepy Tonya told me that Susan had told then she was at my house for the night. After I begged them not to be mad at her and explained why I was looking for her, they told me that if I couldn’t find her, they would come take me to the hospital. (They’re so sweet!)
I had a pretty good guess as to where Susan was, so I called over there. Pat answered the phone. It’s funny how people start out pissed off when the phone rings at almost 4:00am but how quickly their tune changes when you tell them your water broke and the baby is on the way. He went and got Susan for me who excitedly told me she would be right over. That’s probably the fastest she’s driven in her life, because it wasn’t long at all and she was in the driveway.
I made my other calls to my birthing support staff. Tabitha and Michele came to the hospital right away.
It all started out pretty slow. I had many visitors and my support staff and I talked and joked and had a good time. The contractions were annoying and I was hungry and tired and after several hours and increasing intensity, a nurse came in to give me something “to take the edge off.” I asked what that meant exactly, and she told me that I’d see. It went into my IV and within a couple of minutes, the clock on the wall got all swimmy-looking and I understood what the edge was. I was so grateful!
After about 10 hours, things got pretty intense. I wasn’t dilating and the baby was pressing on my cervix. It was the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced. Come to think of it, I don’t think anything since has come close to that level of pain.
I had an agreement with my doctor that unless I or the baby was in danger, that I would not undergo a C-section. The doctor remained true to my initial request. No matter how much I begged and cried and whimpered, she did not give in and send me back for the much-requested C-section. I had even stubbornly told her before all this happened that I didn’t even want an epidural. What did I know? I was only 16!
I did, however, agree to IV medications and I am ever-so-thankful for those!
I walked around the hospital, trying to entice my body into working with me. I complained with each step about how gross it was that fluid kept coming from my body. (How much fluid is in there for crying out loud?!?)
Friends came and went. During a calm, drugged phase, Sabrina came to check on me and see how I was doing. I told her I was peachy. Obviously, I was stoned.
Later in the day, I vaguely recall Shawn coming in at check on me and I begged him to kill me. He left right away.
It seemed like forever, when in reality it was about 15 hours, before my body cooperated and agreed to allow the baby to escape. After an additional hour or so, my baby arrived! At 8:13pm on November 11, 1991, Kendra Michele graced the world with her presence. With her full head of dark hair and her nearly black eyes, she was a healthy, round, pink, squalling ball of healthy 8lbs 2oz and 20 inches long with apgars of 9 and 9.
Shortly after your arrival, after the doctors were gone and the room was cleaned up, they allowed visitors to return. I was exhausted and groggy when Ken and Matt came to see me. I was oblivious to the fact that they were there when the nurse decided it was time to try to feed the baby. She pulled out my breast and attached your eager little mouth. Ken and Matt were so shocked! All they could think to do was turn around and admire the lovely wallpaper. Poor guys.
During our labor and delivery stay, the following people (as recorded in your baby book) came to see us:
Michele Christin (Birthing Team) - Tabitha Dowty (Birthing Team) - Susan Cox (Birthing Team and alternate Godparent) - Ken Nott (Godfather and later in life to become step-father) - Ann Rogers (Godmother) - Kenny Christin - Dee Nott (to later become Granny Dee) - Becky Blakely - Terry Smith - Heidi Marxer (Auntie) - Steve Marxer (Grandpa) - Cathy Marxer (Grandma) - Rubble Rob
Brian Merril – Wanda – Tim - Kevin Forsythe – Cathy – Speedy - Mike Abbot - Shawn Kingman - Stephanie Wynia - Bill Lenex - Matt Trussell - Cheryl Lenex - Amy Bryer - Kari Brown - Geneva Melton - Maria Cooper - Ali & Samantha - Glen Williams - Sabrina and Jason - Sean Dooer – Renee – Carrie - Renee and Carrie’s mom
It is obvious that you were well-received and welcomed into the world.
You were my perfect little angel. I couldn’t imagine my world without you.
Now here we are, 20 years later. You are a woman grown, out in the world. You are independent and stubborn and your own person.
Please know that despite your years, your independence and your stubbornness, you are still my precious baby girl and I love you.
Happy 20th Birthday, Kendra Michele.
I love you.
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